


Beyond All Expectations

by ruric



Category: Firefly
Genre: Community: maleslashminis, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-20
Updated: 2008-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-13 16:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruric/pseuds/ruric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Mal round at <a href="http://www.maleslashminis.livejournal.com">maleslashminis</a> for <a href="http://www.intinerant_vae.s.livejournal.com">intinerant_vae</a> who wanted Mal/Simon, with give and take, stars and dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beyond All Expectations

Simon never expected this.

From the moment he’d set foot on Serenity he’d been, whilst not exactly afraid, very much wary of this crew and her captain.

For months he’d slept lightly, senses hyper-aware of every rumble and groan the ship made.

Each night when he closed his eyes he’d dream about the ship being caught by the Alliance or other traders, like Patience or Badger, who lived out on the edge as they did; people who’d sell them out without a second thought, their only concern to make enough credits to keep them alive. He became used to recurring dreams of situations where they were trapped, where Mal couldn’t get them out with some fancy fast talking or Wash with his seat of the pants flying. Dreams which would startle him into full wakefulness, sweat slicking his skin, his heart pounding fit to burst. And always his first instinct was to look to River, to see her curled in her bunk, her face smoothed of worry, and she looked so peaceful, gaining back some of her childlike innocence and wonder out here amongst the stars.

For months he’d thought he’d never fit amongst this crew, never find a place even with all the medical skills he brought with him to their decks. Being their doctor was one thing, being a member of the crew, becoming their friend, was something different and Simon was only too well aware he didn’t fit.

Until one day, shortly after their adventures on Ariel.

Jayne had met him in the corridor, bulky body blocking Simon’s attempts to pass and get to the infirmary. Jayne’s hand had closed his arm, half-pulling half-dragging him through the corridors and down into Jayne’s bunk with Simon protesting every step of the way about his responsibilities, his need to check the medical supplies before they landed once more on Persephone to trade. And Jayne ignored every word, just towed him along like so much cargo with a muttered “I got something you need to see.”

He’d eyed Jayne warily, taking in the wicked grin, the nod of his chin towards the bunk and begun to plot his escape. Jayne had reached out to flip a switch and instead of the cabin plunging into darkness a panel behind the bunk slid away to reveal a startling array of guns, knives and who knows what else kind of weapon. The wink Jayne sent him said that he knew only too well what Simon had been thinking and Simon found himself looking down and away, trying not to think about the blush staining his cheeks. 

“Meet the ladies, doc. You need to know how to defend yourself.”

Simon had been half amused, half outraged that Jayne thought him so defenceless. When Jayne reached out again Simon had dropped his shoulder, twisted fast, shifting his body weight as remembered moves returned, his ankle planted behind Jayne’s, elbow to the solar plexus and a hand on his chest which put Jayne down firmly on the floor.

Simon had expected anger, not the rueful grin and a hand extended so he could help Jayne back to his feet.

“So you’re good at close quarters and that’s somethin’. Now I’m gonna teach you what to do when they ain’t nowhere close to you.”

Hauling himself to his feet Jayne had proceeded to introduce Simon to each of his guns, Vera and Lily, Marie and Lucy and there’d been a wicked twist to his lips when he pointed to an unprepossessing little weapon which turned out to have the kick of mule and called her Saffron.

To both their surprise, learning how to take the guns apart and put them back together had become almost second nature to Simon - the logic of the actions, the way all the pieces fitted together appealed to his sensibility. Not so much the shooting. Since he’d joined the crew he’d seen up close and personal too often the effect of projectile weapons to ever be comfortable firing them. But his co-ordination between hand and eye, his determination to be something other than their doctor and a responsibility they thought they had to protect, meant that he had a good aim which improved with Zoe, Wash and Kaylee sitting and cheering him from the sidelines.

He did hit the target more often than not - even if he closed his eyes _every_ time he pulled the trigger.

Of them all Mal had been the biggest mystery to Simon.

From his first day, fingers wound into the soft linen of his shirt, his back slammed into the bulkhead, a fist connecting with his jaw and the copper bright taste of blood on his tongue, he’d been more than aware that his and River’s continued survival depended on Mal’s mood.

He’d tasted fear that day, fear that had taken up residence and refused to leave. 

But he’d watched and learned and tried to fit.

He learned that Mal talks to his ship. So do Zoe, Wash and Kaylee. To them Serenity is the tenth person of the crew. She’s real and she lives and breathes and she’s a part of them all. Simon wasn’t sure he’d understood it, wasn’t sure he ever would. Until the day another job went bad, and they’d come back limping and dragging one another into his infirmary.

Jayne sedated to the eyeballs to keep him from moving, the scent of charred flesh in the air as Simon worked frantically to clean and seal the deep burn across his belly. Zoe’s arm splinted and tucked into a sling, Inara leading her from the cabin. A sudden lurch and the groaning sound of metal as Wash fought to take Serenity through a series of manoeuvres that would lose their pursers and Simon had reached out, hand pressed flat to the white metal of the bulk head.

“Ta ma de. Jen dao mei. Tyen shiao-duh...hold together, you can do it.”

He’d looked up to find Mal’s gaze fixed on him, staring back into shuttered steel grey eyes he’d had no idea what their captain was thinking.

*****

The bridge is quiet at this time in ship’s rotation. He’s learned not to think of it as night. Night and day don’t mean much when you spend most of your time out amongst the stars on the edge of the black. They keep to ship’s hours and ship’s rotation even when they land, unless they’re staying more than a few days. 

And at this time in ship’s rotation he knows he’ll have the bridge to himself. The rest of the crew retired for their version of ‘night’ and he has the intercom open to River’s cabin just in case she wakes. 

He values this time alone, this quiet hour that he has to himself, to just sit and think.

He’s less afraid now, of the vastness out there, of the black lit up by pinpoints of light. He’ll never be able to don a spacesuit and walk out onto the hull of the ship with equanimity – that’s just not who he is. But the one thing about being out here is there are a lot of places to hide, places for them to disappear.

The scuff of boots on metal, the soft whisper of a body moving behind him and he finds his lips are curving up into a smile. Regular as clockwork this routine and he doesn’t need to check his watch to know his hour alone is almost up.

“You coming down?”

Simon doesn’t need to turn his head to know that Mal is lounging in the hatch to the bridge because this is part of _their_ routine, something they’ve made for themselves out here.

He stands, hands smoothing the wrinkles out of his clothes and looks once more out into infinity. 

He doesn’t know whether it’s Shepherd Book’s presence on the ship, or whether it’s his own need to believe in something bigger than they are, but in the last few months he’s started to pray again. He doesn’t tell Mal, because he doesn’t think Mal would understand, but every night, before he leaves the bridge he sends a prayer out in the black. A prayer of thanks and of gratitude, for what he has and what he’s found here, and a plea to whatever might be out there, whatever entity might be listening, that it lets them continue on their way.

He turns to find Mal waiting. 

Mal’s back is pressed against the hatch to the bridge, a little furrow between his brow as he watches, small rueful smile lifting the corners of his mouth. Simon’s getting better at reading Mal these days, but then again, spending so much time naked with someone, getting used to seeing hunger in their eyes, does give more of an insight into what might be going on. 

Currently Mal’s wearing what Simon has decided to call his “I’m-not-sure-I’ll-ever-understand-you-but-I’m-going-to-have-fun-finding-out” smirk. He sends one of his own back and gets right up into Mal’s personal space. One hand pressed over Mal’s heart to feel the steady thump, the other sliding lower over the cool metal of his belt buckle to find soft cotton, fingers lightly pressing into the heat and hardness he can feel there. And this is something else he never expected to find gentleness as well as strength. A moment to tease, for his lips to brush Mal’s before licking into his mouth, with a kiss that promises more and soon.

“I’m ready, are you?”

***

Later, lying in the bunk, his body caught between the heat of Mal’s and Serenity’s gun metal grey hull, listening to the steady thrum of her engines, the regular whisper of Mal’s breath, he feels safe. 

It had taken him months before he’d realised that the minute he’d set foot on Serenity’s deck he’d become part of her life, part of her crew. He has a place here, he’s more than just their surgeon, he’s their friend and he’s Mal’s lover. 

When he dreams he doesn’t dream of research grants and seeing his name in academic journals, nor does he dream of traps and being caught - those dreams are a part of his past. He doesn’t even dream of River being wholly River again. He knows she never will be. River is what she is and they are learning to live with her.

Now when he dreams he dreams of safety for them all. Enough gas to keep them afloat and jobs that don’t go bad.

Out here wandering the stars, out to the black and beyond, he’s found what he least expected and what he has now, here, right at this moment, is beyond all expectations.

He’s part of a family and that’s something he’d almost forgotten how to be and he’s found a home and a place to belong.

**Author's Note:**

> “ _Ta ma de. Jen dao mei. Tyen shiao-duh_ ” ~ Damn it. Just our luck. In the name of all that’s sacred...


End file.
